Did you happen to catch President Obama's speech on Education yesterday? Since it was the first day of school for a majority of American students, many schools held morning assemblies and ran it live. Since I work at Tamalpais High School on Tuesdays, I was able to watch it with a second period Social Studies Class. No matter what your political persuasion, the message was inspiring and well delivered. In brief, he spoke of each student's responsibility to stay in school, work hard and overcome challenges, not only to insure their own success, but also to become contributing members of society.
I love this kind of stuff. I get all choked up thinking about everyone joining together to do the right thing, just like each Saturday at 5 O'clock mass during simple songs of praise. I hold back tears each time I hear that odd mix of piano music and parishioner voices that run the gamut, rising up together for a few climatic moments each week as we belt out hearts' longings. Sappy? Yes? But that brings me to the topic of today's blog:
Although most of the nation's schools started yesterday, our county schools have already been in session for two weeks. And although I braced myself for some transitional upheaval, with two daughters starting two new schools, I'm not sure what I could have done to prepare myself for daughter #1's first week of high school. Allow me to explain in the format of a Dear Abby Letter:
Dear Abby,
My oldest daughter started public high school this week. I teach at a competing high school in the same district and both schools are considered top performing schools in the affluent county where we live, north of San Francisco. They are also two of the top schools in our state. Still, I found myself ill prepared, as a mother, for the following events that my daughter willingly and daily shared with me during week one. Please review the list below and advise. I would appreciate any strategies you might have for how I can remain sane and whether or not you think I am at risk for death by worry. Keep in mind that I have seven years to go in order to get both daughters through high school and that I am currently 50 years old. Please be candid if you think I am just to old to remember it's always been about sex, drugs and rock n roll.
Day One: Daughter walks into girls' bathroom with friend and finds two girls with their shirts off aggressively making out (groans and smacking of flesh)
Day Two: Boys ask daughter and friend "Would you like a Cookie?" Daughter's friend grabs daughter's arm, pulls her onward and replies back "We only like the kind with chocolate chips."
Friend explains that "Cookies" is code for smoking pot.
Day Three: Daughter gets paired up with student sitting next to her in science for a lab experiment. Student/lab partner is sobbing. Daughter asks with concern, "Are you Okay?"
Lab partner responds through choking sobs..."My boyfriend just broke up with me." Daughter replies..."That sucks." Lab partner responds, "I slept with him." Daughter replies "Oh." Lab partner continues, "I slept with his best friend too." Daughter looks down, uncomfortable. Lab partner reveals names of both boys she has slept with (at age 14) before she remembers to introduce herself. Not sure how the lab assignment proceeded as I forgot to ask.
Day Four: Two older boys ask daughter and friend if they would like to hop in their car and go to California Pizza Kitchen for lunch. Daughter and friend decline because they don't think they will make it back to school in time.
Day Four: Two freshmen boys ask daughter and friend to walk to nearby burrito joint off campus for lunch. Both boys ask both girls out over lunch. Daughter pauses because she is not sure what to say. Boy fills in awkward silence by saying, "Oh, maybe we should get to know each other better first." Daughter is relieved but wonders what to say next time in like situation. Mother advises: "Just tell him your parents won't allow you to date until you are 16." Daughter rolls eyes and replies, "That won't work mom, he'll just say, don't tell them." Mom feels disoriented, out of control, hears sirens going off inside head while stuttering, "Well, does um, does um friend's parents let her date (weak attempt to not feel all alone in foreign territory). Daughter replies with impatient-mom-is-so-slow-and-needs-me-to-spell-everything-out-tone: "Mom, she doesn't tell them." Mom suddenly realizes that next time daughter is going anywhere, it may be a date (or hook-up ~ modern lingo).
Day Five: Social Studies teacher passes out essays from last year freshmen offering advice to current freshmen. Each student gets two papers to read. Daughter shares that she knows both students whose papers she received. The most interesting one, she explained, mapped out places to avoid on walk to school if you want to avoid being pressured to smoke pot. Or, mother realizes while simultaneously having a hot flash, daughter now possess a treasure map should she want to experiment.
Yours Truly,
Propped up by the President
P.S. Names have been withheld to protect the sanctity of the mother-daughter communication portal.
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Dear Anonymous Mom,
ReplyDeleteMy first thought upon reading your stories is, that you might want to be grateful she has told you so much! This is wonderful! She is likely feeling at least a little bit overwhelmed by HS life, even if she won't admit it. Our girls may not seem like they want our advice or are interested in our responses, but the fact that they tell us of their new 'experiences' suggests otherwise. I too have a freshman in HS as of last week. I've told her there are many parts of the world out there I don't like or want her involved in, but she is running the ship more than ever before, so she needs to make alot of judgment calls this year. Just another reminder that I am not as in control as I fantasize I am!! To be clear, I am not suggesting we abandon the ship, far from it, but I am not the captain anymore either!!!
Dear Diana (Abby):
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly why I need this blog. Your words are calming and reassuring balm for my sometimes frazzled nerves. Thank you for every word you wrote. It does me good to know that you too are adjusting to a decrease of control and how you are communicating with Clare about her increasing responsibilities and choices. Please share any events or situations that come your way, especially as a fellow mother of a freshman daughter. We are all in need, at sometime or another, of soul sister support.