Well, that's not quite accurate. I have experienced phases of marital bliss in my sixteen years of marriage to Chris, but we all know that bliss is not a sustainable state when talking about any human relationship, especially one as complex as marriage. We celebrated our anniversary last night by walking to a neighborhood restaurant after attending Back-to-School night at Kate's middle school. It almost felt like a little comedy show before dinner since most of Kate's six teachers (all men) were an engaging, versatile and oddly humorous lot. They obviously loved to perform and I enjoyed the show, but then, I don't get out much.
It wasn't romance by candle lights, no cards or flowers or State of the Union speeches from either of us. Other than a simple toast to sixteen years, I don't recall even discussing our marriage. Instead we talked about work, kids and what a delicious hamburger we were sharing. But after sixteen years, if I'm really honest about it all, I can say that I still like my husband.
I don't want to jinx anything, but I think we might be headed for calmer waters after a long bout on rough seas. Our boat took in a lot of water over the past four or five years. It hasn't been easy, either, to watch a few good marriages go down around us. I think ages 47ish to 52ish are the equivalent of the Bermuda Triangle for marriage. Timing differs, I'm sure, depending on age differences between spouses, but we all pass through a mid-life point, if we make it that far. It's tough to survive your own AND another's. I was so consumed by internal strife at times that I didn't notice that it wasn't just my boat. When you're in it, it's hard to take an anthropological point of view.
This was not the aniversary of renewed vows or the profession of undying love. But, it was a nice dinner with a good friend and I'm grateful for that.
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Congratulations Sis on 16 years with Chris. Taiichi and I are right behind you at 15 and I am absolutely amazed that we are still intact. Although it has also been a rocky ride at times I have to say he still does not bother me, irritates me, incenses me and causes me to explode, yes, but overall I am still content to be by his side.
ReplyDeleteThere are times that we all experience when the end feels so very close and trying to keep it together is one of the hardest things I have ever spent my time and energy on. I also agree that late 40's-mid 50's can be like slipping into the deepest of end of the ocean for many of us. That why the last few years I try to stay on the surface and just skim, skimming is good.
Delving, diving and drowning over any issue is not worth the energy and slows down the progress.
The progress of motion and movement and tomorrows, that we always like to promise ourselves will be better.
I'm so glad to hear about your lovely evening out on your anniversary, a perfect simple light moment that you could share with a good friend.
You've nailed the years that alot of us feel minor to moderate turmoil! We are at year 17. Being 6 years older (than Mark) is not always the way I'd prefer it, but its what is. I feel there are a few things I've passed through--tho humbly and not with raging success--that he is now looking at.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I have a topic for you Mare. Its the one on my mind now. Where will I be in 10 years? What will occupy my time and thought? Do I have a vision for where I'd like to grow to? My girls will be gone. My job will be after me to retire...so what will I be doing? Let me know what you think...